April Fools' Day Headlines and Briefs

Norfolk holds its first gay pride parade of sail on the Norfolk waterfront. Attendance exceeds prior events in Norfolk, including OpSail. The Nautical channel televises the event. 

Buddy Gadams is elected mayor of Norfolk in 2016. Kevin Murphy sulks.

Drew Ungvarsky of Re: Vision is implicated in a food cart scandal.

The Virginian-Pilot is finally sold – to Towne Bank founder Bob Aston and a group of anonymous investors. A deadly and chilling silence settles on the newsroom at 150 Brambleton Avenue.

Hannah Serrano and Jesse Scaccia franchise the Public Arts District and sell variations of the name – Curbed Appeal, Blocked Art, Curbed Art, North Block, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels – to desperate towns. They make millions, do an IPO and sell Altdaily to Veer magazine publisher, Jeff Maisey. 

Mayor Paul Fraim makes a cameo appearance in a new play, The Mayor in His Labyrinth, by local playwright, PS Powers.

Norfolk Commissioner of the Revenue Sharon McDonald insists that everything was a mistake. Runs for Mayor in 2016. Loses to Gadams.

Norfolk City Treasurer Tom Moss…No one can find him.

Norfolk Vice Mayor Anthony Burfoot renounces all his worldly possessions -- including his city and state pensions -- and severs all his personal ties (pun intended) and joins the Holy Order of Bow Tie Benedictines. 

City Council Member Barclay Winn was last seen jogging into the new Mid-Town Tunnel at 7am on a Saturday morning. A search ensued, but Winn was never seen again.

Plumbing contractor Andrew Zoby is presented with the Entrepreneur of the Year Award for creative business practices.

Norfolk City Council member Paul Riddick finds a stash of cash in a coffin and finally pays his back taxes.

Norfolk City Council member Theresa Whibley has Hampton Boulevard converted to a four-lane bike highway.

Developer Dwight Etheridge now builds solar homes in Guam.

Entrepreneur Tommy Arney, go-go club extraordinaire and Svengali, teaches pole dancing at the women’s penitentiary twice a week to prepare them for entering society.

Former bank executive Ed Woodard Jr. is slated to teach ethics and the art of banking creativity to aspiring and incarcerated MBAs. Location to be announced. 

His son, T. Brandon Woodard, is hired by an undisclosed Wall Street firm to head their real estate investment division.

Shep Miller and the West Side of Norfolk secede from Norfolk proper and establish a constitutional monarchy. The East Side of Norfolk is donated, in perpetuity, to Virginia Beach. Ocean View…well they’re still down at Greenies talking about it. 

New PM of West Norfolk

The FBI investigates the bombing of an SUV at the home of a provocative and leading editorial writer. Eco-terrorists and Prius owners are implicated in the bombing, sources close to the case said. The FBI refused to comment, saying it never comments on ongoing investigations.

It is discovered that PETA has been euthanizing employees who were discovered wearing or suspected of wearing animal skin.
 
An obscure attorney from an obscure town files a brief accusing AG ken Cuccinelli of being unconstitutional. After two years, the case is heard by the US Supreme Court. Within 24-hours, the justices opine that Cuccinelli is indeed unconstitutional and records of his existence are eliminated.

Mayor Wil Sessoms is filmed hugging President Obama in a secret room of the White House. “Obie-Wan, you’re the best…” was the only sound captured on the film.

Oceana closes and the suicide rate among real estate agents soars.

Norfolk signs a deal with the educational arm of the NRA to operate the Norfolk Public Schools under a 500-year concession. Students are required to wear uniforms. Administration is cut by 70 percent. Teachers' salaries doubled. Test scores best in nation.

The Virginia Beach Tea Party and the Tidewater Libertarian Party, never letting an opportunity go to waste, pepper Va Beach City Council members with petitions to let the private sector do the same thing in Va. Beach. 

Editor of The Daily Newswanger

R. Brian Dinning or Ray Dinning, while incarcerated and awaiting trial, forms a non-profit for the preservation and advancement of the Light My Fire Ministry, whose assets include diamond and gold mines in South Africa.
 
A local news maker is caught en flagrante with a mermaid. Details are forthcoming.